I think my fart just growled at me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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