I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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