Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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