I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
