Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
