I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
