Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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