I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
