That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
