a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
