Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
