the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
