i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is my gift to your gina
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
