i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am mentally ready for anal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
