Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
vagina is talking i cant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
