well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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