Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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