Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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