I want to have your abortion
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
