I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
one two three fourrrrnication!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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