I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
