Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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