K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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