Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
