I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
