So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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