I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
