Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
