i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
