Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
