mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
