if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
