Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
