I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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