For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
