Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
