Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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