I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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