Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
