I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
