Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
