Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
