It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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