Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
