lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
