The best revenge is premature balding
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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