Screwed.edu
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
