You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
