Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
