All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
