I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
