One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
