and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
