He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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