I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
