Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
